Faith and the Back Beat

Why the Ramones Moshpit
Personifies the American Democratic Ideal
by Eric Harrison
(Originally published in the Georgetown Law Review, 1993)

My uncle once said that writing about music is like dancing about architecture. He was right-music aspires to joy, which is beyond words. Great music does more than make you think about the economy or the rainforests; it does more than make you want to dance or even fornicate. Great music makes you glow; it leaves you speechless and in love with life. It makes you want to hug everyone. Even Greenhalgh.

In my 24 years, I've been lucky enough to come across a few recordings capable of rescuing me from even the deepest malaise-- Pirates by Rickie Lee Jones, Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, The Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky, Empty Glass by Pete Townshend, just to name a few. These recordings have brought me great joy in my loneliest hours. But nothing--nothing has come close to the indescribable wow visited upon me by the Ramones at their best.

The Ramones are the greatest band in the world. They are simultaneously ironic and passionate, comical and angst-ridden. Deceptively simple, they simultaneously personify and mock the punk rock tradition they defined. (Their first gig was in 1976, more than a year before Malcolm McClaren formed the Sex Pistols to engineer England's "spontaneous" punk explosion.) The Ramones have been touring for almost as long as Bob Dylan and are twice as ugly. They know only three chords and usually forget at least two of them. The Ramones are the opposite of Rush.

The Ramones are beyond words, words like:

DDT did a job on me, now I am a real sickee
Guess I'm gonna have to tell 'em that I got no cerebellum
All the girls are in love with me
I'm a teenage lobotomy!!

--"Teenage Lobotomy"

Sitting in Queens, eating refried beans
Wearing all our magazines, gulping down Thoraziries
We ain't got no friends
Our troubles never end
No Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men

--"We're A Happy Family"

I'm doing Johnny, CeeJay, Markie and the Jo-y (my religion prohibits a full spelling) a minor disservice by printing their lyrics, for in the final analysis the Ramones are an aesthetic experience. See infra.

The Ramones will perform at Hammerjacks in Baltimore on Saturday November 7. Here's why you should go:

Living in D. C., it's all too easy to grow cynical about the American Democratic Ideal. You don't have to be a political analyst to realize that embarrassing things are happening within blocks of the Law Center, events that affect the entire nation. Sometimes it seems as if our elected representatives have lost sight of the very goals to which our system of government aspires.

They need look no further than the Ramones Moshpit, where the American Democratic Ideal is alive and slamming. The "moshpit," for those of you who have never smashed into sweaty gyrating bodies at dangerous velocities, is the area in front of the stage where one smashes into sweaty gyrating' bodies at dangerous velocities. You'll find a moshpit at any show where the music is fast and loud. However, not all moshpits are created equal. One moshpit stands above all others. That moshpit, Dear Reader, is the Ramones Moshpit.

The Ramones Moshpit is a veritable melting pot. People from all walks of life -- Asians, Blacks and Hispanics; women, men and children; even an occasional white teenage male-hurl themselves towards the stage with reckless abandon. And as for the "melting" in "melting pot," temperatures often exceed 100 degrees.

Oscar Wilde once described democracy as "the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." The man is a visionary -- the Ramones didn't even tour England back then! For the politics of the Ramones Moshpit are best described as a kinder, gentler bludgeoning. As soon as you penetrate the periphery, wildly gyrating bodies with arms and legs a-flailing converge on you from all directions. Within seconds you'll find a generous soul willing to crouch down with his back to the stage and cup his hands into a stirrup for your right foot to propel you over his shoulder and towards the stage.

Once you're above the pit, hundreds of friendly hands of all races, genders and levels of perspiration reach up to continue your aerial journey towards the Jo-y. The joyous rush of your flight is surpassed only by the auditory orgasm brought on by its brainrattling soundtrack. Meanwhile, the ineffable seven foot tall human insect called Jo-y stands before you, feet planted, fist clenched in the air and hair ever where, a towering monument to peace, love and the realization of human potential.

Like all Platonic ideals, however, Jo-yhead is not to be achieved by mere mortals. So as you cross the lip of the stage, a friendly-bouncer will intervene and, well, physically suggest a new route. This new route will most likely terminate on the floor. Now is the moment when the Ramones Moshpit distinguishes itself from all others -- in a similar situation, the merciless moshpit at a Metallica or Nirvana show would crush you. Ramonemoshers, however, refuse to abandon the downtrodden. The same hands that catapulted you towards the stage just moments ago now reach down to grab you by the arms, lift you from the floor and restore you to moshpit dignity.

If only the Bush Administration were half as sensitive to the plight of the struggling American who strives to propel herself above the capitalist moshpit and achieve her potential, only to be sent hurtling to the unemployment lines by a beefy, belligerent bouncer called "Recession"!

Let's keep our eyes on the prize and remind ourselves what America could be, should be and perhaps one day will be. The Ramones will take the stage at Hammerjacks around 11 p.m. on Saturday, November 7. Also appearing will be Social Distortion, a solid moshpit warmup at least as old as the Ramones but not nearly as ugly. To get to Hammerjacks, take 95 North to exit 52. Keep bearing right towards the huge neon Hammerjacks sign until you cross the railroad tracks and begin wishing you were somewhere comparatively safe, like Jersey City.