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Faith
and the Back Beat
Why
the Ramones Moshpit
Personifies the American Democratic Ideal
by Eric Harrison
(Originally
published in the Georgetown Law Review, 1993)
My uncle once said that writing about music is like dancing about
architecture. He was right-music aspires to joy, which is beyond
words. Great music does more than make you think about the economy
or the rainforests; it does more than make you want to dance or
even fornicate. Great music makes you glow; it leaves you speechless
and in love with life. It makes you want to hug everyone. Even Greenhalgh.
In
my 24 years, I've been lucky enough to come across a few recordings
capable of rescuing me from even the deepest malaise-- Pirates
by Rickie Lee Jones, Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, The
Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky, Empty Glass by Pete
Townshend, just to name a few. These recordings have brought me
great joy in my loneliest hours. But nothing--nothing has come close
to the indescribable wow visited upon me by the Ramones at their
best.
The
Ramones are the greatest band in the world. They are simultaneously
ironic and passionate, comical and angst-ridden. Deceptively simple,
they simultaneously personify and mock the punk rock tradition they
defined. (Their first gig was in 1976, more than a year before Malcolm
McClaren formed the Sex Pistols to engineer England's "spontaneous"
punk explosion.) The Ramones have been touring for almost as long
as Bob Dylan and are twice as ugly. They know only three chords
and usually forget at least two of them. The Ramones are the
opposite of Rush.
The
Ramones are beyond words, words like:
DDT
did a job on me, now I am a real sickee
Guess I'm gonna have to tell 'em that I got no cerebellum
All the girls are in love with me
I'm a teenage lobotomy!!
--"Teenage Lobotomy"
Sitting
in Queens, eating refried beans
Wearing all our magazines, gulping down Thoraziries
We ain't got no friends
Our troubles never end
No
Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men
--"We're A Happy Family"
I'm
doing Johnny, CeeJay, Markie and the Jo-y (my religion prohibits
a full spelling) a minor disservice by printing their lyrics, for
in the final analysis the Ramones are an aesthetic experience. See
infra.
The
Ramones will perform at Hammerjacks in Baltimore on Saturday November
7. Here's why you should go:
Living
in D. C., it's all too easy to grow cynical about the American Democratic
Ideal. You don't have to be a political analyst to realize that
embarrassing things are happening within blocks of the Law Center,
events that affect the entire nation. Sometimes it seems as if our
elected representatives have lost sight of the very goals to which
our system of government aspires.
They
need look no further than the Ramones Moshpit, where the American
Democratic Ideal is alive and slamming. The "moshpit," for those
of you who have never smashed into sweaty gyrating bodies at dangerous
velocities, is the area in front of the stage where one smashes
into sweaty gyrating' bodies at dangerous velocities. You'll find
a moshpit at any show where the music is fast and loud. However,
not all moshpits are created equal. One moshpit stands above all
others. That moshpit, Dear Reader, is the Ramones Moshpit.
The
Ramones Moshpit is a veritable melting pot. People from all walks
of life -- Asians, Blacks and Hispanics; women, men and children;
even an occasional white teenage male-hurl themselves towards the
stage with reckless abandon. And as for the "melting" in "melting
pot," temperatures often exceed 100 degrees.
Oscar
Wilde once described democracy as "the bludgeoning of the people,
by the people, for the people." The man is a visionary -- the Ramones
didn't even tour England back then! For the politics of the Ramones
Moshpit are best described as a kinder, gentler bludgeoning. As
soon as you penetrate the periphery, wildly gyrating bodies with
arms and legs a-flailing converge on you from all directions. Within
seconds you'll find a generous soul willing to crouch down with
his back to the stage and cup his hands into a stirrup for your
right foot to propel you over his shoulder and towards the stage.
Once
you're above the pit, hundreds of friendly hands of all races, genders
and levels of perspiration reach up to continue your aerial journey
towards the Jo-y. The joyous rush of your flight is surpassed only
by the auditory orgasm brought on by its brainrattling soundtrack.
Meanwhile, the ineffable seven foot tall human insect called Jo-y
stands before you, feet planted, fist clenched in the air and hair
ever where, a towering monument to peace, love and the realization
of human potential.
Like
all Platonic ideals, however, Jo-yhead is not to be achieved by
mere mortals. So as you cross the lip of the stage, a friendly-bouncer
will intervene and, well, physically suggest a new route. This new
route will most likely terminate on the floor. Now is the moment
when the Ramones Moshpit distinguishes itself from all others --
in a similar situation, the merciless moshpit at a Metallica or
Nirvana show would crush you. Ramonemoshers, however, refuse to
abandon the downtrodden. The same hands that catapulted you towards
the stage just moments ago now reach down to grab you by the arms,
lift you from the floor and restore you to moshpit dignity.
If
only the Bush Administration were half as sensitive to the plight
of the struggling American who strives to propel herself above the
capitalist moshpit and achieve her potential, only to be sent hurtling
to the unemployment lines by a beefy, belligerent bouncer called
"Recession"!
Let's
keep our eyes on the prize and remind ourselves what America could
be, should be and perhaps one day will be. The Ramones will take
the stage at Hammerjacks around 11 p.m. on Saturday, November 7.
Also appearing will be Social Distortion, a solid moshpit warmup
at least as old as the Ramones but not nearly as ugly. To get to
Hammerjacks, take 95 North to exit 52. Keep bearing right towards
the huge neon Hammerjacks sign until you cross the railroad tracks
and begin wishing you were somewhere comparatively safe, like Jersey
City. |